I have work at 8. On days I have to work, I dread going in all day long. I have to wear a hat, that fits absolutely no one correctly. It’s the kind of hat my dad wears when he’s goes to a sports event or a day trip. It’s floppy and kind of sits just on the top of everyone’s head and I’m sure whoever thought of making us wear these hats must have had a good laugh. I’m also required to wear a t-shirt, usually at least 3 sizes too big and an apron over that. All I do is run pans back and forth from the from to the back all night long. I also am in charge of throwing away a ridiculous amount of food at the end of the night. I cringe with guilt every time I throw another entire pan of chicken cacciatori into a huge trash bucket marked “food only”.
I never knew how lucky I was to have a job I liked at home (The Bean Counter) and how rare they are to come by. Buuuut don’t get me wrong, this job isn’t TOTALLY horrible, there’s usually semi-alright music playing in the front (don’t get me started on the music in the back…) and there’s a handful of ridiculous people that usually provide some entertainment. Most of them either hit on me or want to sell me weed. Or both. I’m alright with this for the most part. None of them recognize me outside of my uniform, or they pretend not to which I think is funny and feel like some unspoken rule. Saving face for both of us?
Most of my time there is spent day dreaming about having a nice, quiet job at a desk or at the library but until that day…I’ll be running pans.
Okay so, I’ll admit it. Maybe buying a huge bag of assorted candy at CVS today wasn’t the most health conscious choice I could have made. But it only seems fair since trick-or-treating for 19 year olds isn’t exactly socially acceptable. I am determined to turn this month around and enjoy it just as much as when I was 9.
Not really where I want to be or where I am. Messed up and lost some composure for a bit last night and seem to still be out of it this morning. Is this something you gradually gain back in these kinds of situations? School is stressing me out. I don’t know what it’s like to feel calm anymore. Thursday and Friday might be the death of me, for a few of reasons. Cross some fingers for me.
I will always love you, you know that. But I don’t think we can be together anymore. You’re just sort of…dead. I know it’s kind of harsh but it’s something you need to hear. And to be completely honest, I’ve found somewhere else. Amherst is my new home now and I need to let you go. I know what you’re thinking…”this is what she said when she moved to Boston..she’ll be back next weekend…” but this time I mean it! We need some serious time apart and I will always care about you, we’re just not right for each other right now. I hope you understand and maybe this summer we can try this again. Take care of yourself.